Wolfstar- The Marauders Creation
by Bluewave9511
Summary: Join Remus, Sirius, James and Peter on their journey at Hogwarts. From their First year till their adult life. Love, Romance, Comendy, Family and Friends. Join the journey on how each of them involved, grow and become known as the Marauders. Four best friends, with love and sadness between them. Sirius x Remus paring and James x Lily paring, plus others.
1. Chapter 1

**Hiya! My name is Bluewave. I will be writing a Harry Potter (Marauders based- Wolfstar based) story with a lot of other pairings and characters mentioned.**

 **Reviews are nice. Helps me know if I am doing the right thing. Favs and follows will be much appreciated too.**

 **Thank you for** _ **BlueJay64**_ **for becoming a Beta reader for this story! We can't wait to bring you all many more chapters.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter…. *cries softly***

 **7** **th** **of** **June 1971**

"Ma, do I really have to go?" Remus asked his mother for what felt like the hundredth time. He had just finished setting up the dining area so he walked into the kitchen to speak to his mother face-to-face. "I could just stay at home; plenty of witches and wizards are home-schooled," Remus suggested. Earlier that week, Remus and his family had received a letter announcing his acceptance to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. His parents were overjoyed. Remus wasn't.

Hope looked at her son, her eyes unreadable. Remus tore his gaze away from her and stared at the tiled floor. He curled his hands into fists, digging his nails into his palms. It broke Hope's heart, seeing her son, looking so upset where most 11-year-olds would be overjoyed. She knelt down and tilted his chin up so he was looking at her.

"Remus John Lupin, you are the strongest little fighter. You are so bright and kind, I am sure you'll make plenty of friends, condition or not. I believe in you, and I believe that you will be ok. Everything will be ok." She ruffled his hair and hugged him tight. "Now go get Izzy and your dad, they'll be wanting dinner now."

Later that evening, Remus sat on his bed. His room was very plain for an 11-year-old, but Remus had learnt quickly that his mother and father were on a tight budget, so he didn't ask for anything. He knew that if he did ask, his parents would happily oblige, but more financial pressure was another burden his parents didn't need. They were already struggling as it was.

When midnight came, Remus was still awake, his mind churning with the news of Hogwarts. He was so preoccupied in his thoughts that he didn't notice his sister Isabella enter the room until she cleared her throat. Remus jumped a foot into the air.

"Relax, big brother, it's just me," she said softly. Isabella was two years younger than Remus, but they were as close as twins. Of course, Remus was the more responsible mature twin. Izzy was always making trouble and trying new things, and Remus kept her grounded.

"Are you ok Izzy?" Remus asked, making room for her on his bed.

"Well, I think that you're going to be the best thing that's ever happened at Hogwarts, even given your situation." She said, in a matter-of-fact tone. She always knew what Remus was thinking about. She also always knew the right thing to say to make him feel better.

"Given my situation, huh?" Even in the dark, Izzy could imagine Remus' eyebrow lifting in curious surprise.

"I know you're a werewolf, if that's what you're asking. If you want, I could say werewolf instead of 'situation'" Izzy said plainly.

Remus shook his head laughing. "No, I prefer situation. Anyway, you'd better get back to bed before mum find out you're still up."

Izzy smiled and made her way to the door. "I'm proud of you, bro" she mumbled before she slipped out of the door.

Remus just smiled and stared at the ceiling.

 **1** **st** **of September 1971**

Remus Lupin ignored the other children who were running throughout the train's corridor. He was curled up in a compartment by himself, reading a Muggle Book called 'Peter Pan'. Remus loved to lose himself in the story worlds that muggles wove. His mother was a muggle, so he had broad knowledge of the muggle world.

Remus wasn't looking forward to starting at Hogwarts. Despite his mother's reassurance, he didn't like the thought of leaving everyone and everything he knew behind. He was blindly walking into a world where he would be probably hated for his love of muggle things and his 'condition'. Maybe he just didn't trust himself to be confident enough to make friends.

The door of his compartment opened and Remus' tirade of thoughts was broken abruptly. In the doorway stood a small boy with lustrous black hair and beautiful grey eyes. Behind him was a taller boy, brunette with glasses over his hazel eyes. They were both grinning broadly.

"Do you mind if we sit in here?" the grey-eyed boy asked. Remus shook his head, and moved over to make more space.

"I'm Sirius, and this is James," the boy continued.

Remus took this as a signal to introduce himself. "Remus, Remus Lupin"

"Seriously? Cool name!" James said. Sirius beamed and Remus couldn't help but grin a little. Sirius' grins were just too contagious.

"Likewise," he said, trying to be polite. He returned his attention to his book, trying to keep conversation to a minimum.

"Are you excited for Hogwarts?" James asked. Remus nodded.

"Of course he is, James! Who isn't?" James snorted. Remus returned to his book. Sirius turned his head to read the cover. "Peter Pan" He read out loud. This drew James' attention.

"Isn't that a muggle book?" he said, interested.

"I am a half-blood" Remus said boldly. His mother had told him about how most witches and wizards weren't welcoming to half-bloods and muggle-borns, so he readied himself for the two boys to leave. He thought since he'd already said that, he may as well take the plunge. "I love muggles and the muggle world" he said, almost defensively. He knew now that he was probably going to be targeted now because of his different interests. He prepared himself for a year of no friends and bullies.

He was surprised when James just laughed. "Quite a bold thing to say, Lupin… but, I like it." Lupin nearly laughed with relief. Lupin felt slightly dazed. "I really like it. I think we're going to be good friends," James continued. Remus tried to hide his smile.

Remus put his book down and looked at the two boys. "What do you like about muggles then?" he asked James.

The train ride was the start of a long friendship. Their conversation continued throughout the whole train ride, full of laughter, jokes and also some pretty deep matters, the last of which surprised Lupin.

Time flew by before their very eyes, and they found they had more in common that it first appeared.

 **Reviews/ favs and follows are very much grateful. Thank you.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hiya! Back for a second chapter- and much longer than the first. Hoping to get all chapters over the 1300 mark per chapter.**

 **Firstly, want to say thank you to all the reviews that I got for the first chapter.**

 _ **ForeverCrazyHarryPotterFan,**_ _ **Shamelessnweird**_ **,** _ **Guest**_ **thank you for the confidence! Glad you liked it and there will be many more chapters to come.**

 _ **VioletStarlight11**_ **Thank you for the review. I am hoping to make this an original marauder story, going in to detail about main characters and secondary characters past life that wasn't explored in the main story. : ) Can't wait to write much more**

 **Dodgemaster thank you for your review. Will send a PM to hear more ideas. : )**

 **I always love hearing more ideas.**

 _ **xsilvershadesx**_ **Thank you for the review. Will improve on the grammar and the "flow of things"!**

 **Thank you** _ **Dodgemaster ForeverCrazyHarryPotterFan ShamelessWeird harmonizer0001 xsilvershadesx**_ **for following story**

 **Thank you** _ **Dodgemaster ForeverCrazyHarryPotterFan ShamelessWeird**_ **and** _ **harmonizer0001**_ **for favouriting the story.**

 **Also thank you** _ **BlueJay64**_ **for becoming a Beta reader for this story - Hopefully we can work together and make this story amazing!**

 **Again reviews/favs and follows will be much appreciated.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter…. *cries softly***

 **Chapter Two**

 **[First week of September 1971]**

The first week at Hogwarts flew by for the young boys. Remus was overwhelmed. He was enjoying Hogwarts, not that he wanted to show it. Slowly he found it hard to contain his sheer happiness, and even James had remarked that Hogwarts was having a positive effect on Remus. Remus couldn't help but agree. His good mood could be put down to his new friends; James and Sirius.

James Potter and Sirius Black. They were an unusual pair, both full of noise but both were also from two prestigious families, caught up in a long drawn out blood feud. Despite this, the two boys were still the best of friends. The moment Sirius was placed in Gryffindor, the entire great hall fell silent. The first pure-blood Black to not be in Slytherin. Remus could practically feel the stares and hear the not-so-quiet whispers. He didn't want to remember the words that had come from the Slytherin table and he really didn't want to remember the letter that Regulus, Sirius' brother, had sent once he heard the news. Remus knew how close he and his brother were. _Had been_ , he corrected himself. They had a difference of opinion, was what Sirius said. Remus had pretended he couldn't hear Sirius pacing in the common room that night.

A few days after they got settled, the boys were sitting in the great hall, enjoying yet another big breakfast. Remus was buttering his toast when he heard the flapping of wings.

"Mail's here!" He declared to the group. "Are you ok, Sirius?" Remus asked. Sirius was turning a nasty shade of green. Remus and James followed Sirius' gaze to a single red letter. Remus frowned.

"Howler" James breathed to Remus, soft enough that Sirius wouldn't hear. Remus was still confused. Why on earth would Sirius find a red letter so disturbing? He got his answer when the letter burst open and the voices of his parents were magically magnified to fill the great hall. The woman's voice was cold, and uncaring. Remus did his best to try and block her words out, as he knew this was a private matter between Sirius and his parents, but he couldn't help but overhear words like "surely disowned" and "filthy blood-traitors". Throughout the entire thing, Sirius remained stoic-faced, he didn't respond to his parents in any way. Remus, for the second time, felt his heart twinge with remorse and anger, Sirius didn't deserve this. Remus looked up at the students in the hall and saw them all watching Sirius, some with pity and others with visible aggression and malice. Remus saw Sirius' cousins on the Slytherin table, glaring at Sirius and quickly looked away. There was too much hate in their eyes.

Remus' letter from his parents was a lot nicer. His mum and dad asked how he was going and if he had started to fit in and make friends. The usual worried parents of the year. Remus took a mental note to write back to them later, as well as to make a point of showing them how grateful he was of them.

Remus Sirius and James were sitting on the lush green grass of the lake, making the most of their free period. Remus felt a little nervous, the charms essay Professor Flitwick had asked for was due soon, and he was having a hard time trying to write while the other two were laughing and joking. Apart from the three of them, the lake was peaceful, and Remus thought it was the most perfect place on the planet.

"What do you want to be when your older" James asked watching the sky.  
"An Auror" Sirius stated, raising his arms in the air "I want to fight bad guys and bring them to justice. Like the muggle comics Remus lent me." Remus looked up at the mention of his name.

"Even as a Black?" James asked, his tone curious.  
"Of course! I am the only Black in Gryffindor, I'm practically famous. I want to be the 'good' Black." Sirius laughed. "The only good Black" he added softly. "Can you imagine the looks on my parent's faces!?" He tried to lift the mood

.  
Remus just smiled. He was glad Sirius could make a joke out of it. "How about you, Remus?" Sirius asked.  
"I think I want to be an Auror, or a teacher" Remus mumbled.  
"Huh?" James said, rolling over.  
"Auror or Teacher" He said softly.  
"What would you teach?" Sirius asked.  
"Defence of the dark arts" Remus blushed. He wasn't one to talk about his own dreams. In fact, he wasn't even the one to make any friends. "I love the subject the most" Remus admitted.  
Sirius smiled. "I think you'd be a great teacher." Remus tried not to smile.

"What about you James?" Remus asked watching the boy  
"Quidditch" James grinned "I want to be the best player in the world"  
"Shame we can't try out for the team in our first year" Sirius mumbled.  
"It's fine. 'Gives me a year to mess about" James replied.  
"Mess about by pranks, more like!" Remus commented.  
They both laughed. Remus couldn't help but grin.

Sirius propped himself on one elbow and looked at his friend. "What's with you and that Peter boy" he asked.  
Remus raised his eye brows and tilted his head. "What do you mean?"=  
"He's always around you? Sticking to you like glue"  
"He's also a nice guy" Remus said."Nice guy?" James asked doubt lacing his voice.

Remus glared at the two boys "There's more to people than what's on the surface. And besides, I feel for him. Like he needs to be protected, like I'm his big brother." Remus admitted. Sirius nodded in understanding, knowing all too well about Remus' warm heart.  
"Plus he loves pranks" Remus mumbled watching the way Sirius and James' eyes sparkled when he said that. _Gosh! Them and their pranks,_ he thought.  
"Does he now?" James stated raising his eye brow in excitement.

 **[Second week of September 1971]**

James and Sirius weren't too keen on Peter at first, but Remus felt for the chubby young boy.  
Remus understood the boy in a way James and Sirius couldn't. He knew Peter struggled and his heart hurt watching him do so. He was glad Sirius and James accepted the small boy, and they did so much faster than expected.  
Due to Remus, James and Sirius keep Peter close to them. They even laughed at his jokes. Remus' words from the lake were true. There was far more to Peter than what first met the eye. He was kind, funny and very warm-hearted. His personality soon grew on the three boys.  
His love for James and Sirius' pranks made them all love the boy more. Peter praised their pranks which made them happy, while inflating their already large heads.

The reputation Remus, James and Sirius left behind was surprisingly good. For first years, they were already become their teachers' favourites. Without the pressure of his parents anymore, Sirius found his passion in potions. His talent was undeniable. For someone who left their homework to the last minute, Sirius was an outstanding student. Professor Slughorn even stated that Sirius was his second favourite student, after Dirk Cresswell, of course. James was the best at flying, the Quidditch team already loved him. It was no surprise they had already asked him to be on their team, even though he was a first year. Remus was famous for being top of all his classes, neck-to-neck with a girl from his house, Lilly Evans.

After the first few weeks James and Sirius made their presence well known. With the extravagant pranks they pulled. James and Sirius' pranks were the talk of all the houses. Teachers, on the other hand, weren't as pleased as the students. Or at least, they tried to hide their interest.

"So," Sirius began. "What are we going to do for our next prank? It's going to be hard to top the last one." Remus smiled slightly, remembering the way the great hall ceiling had been transformed from an image of the sky to a picture they found of Severus in a dress. They were all sitting in the Gryffindor common-room, on the comfy armchairs that surrounded the fireplace. Most of the Gryffindor had returned to their respective rooms, apart from a few older students madly completing homework.  
"Maybe we could make something blow up" Peter suggested, remembering their prank they pulled a few weeks back.  
"We could do it in potions" James added.

Sirius wrinkled his noise "We could blame it on Snivellus…" A wolfish grin appeared on his face.  
"Yes, I would love to see his face!" James grinned, slightly more devilishly than Sirius.  
Sirius turned to his blond-haired friend. "What do you think Remus?" Peter and James both turned towards him, waiting or his answer.  
Remus glanced up from the pages of his book. "Sure. That'll be fine" he said dryly.  
Sirius raised his eye brow. Remus really wanted to sound positive, but his time of the month was growing close.  
"Are you okay Remus?" James asked, his brows knitted in worry.  
Remus coughed, trying not to make it sound forced. "Yeah" he lied. He knew they could see right through him. "I'm just tired…" he sighed.  
"It is quite late…" James mumbled looking at the clock. "Shall we continue this chat tomorrow?" James asked, packing his things away.  
"We have Professor McGonagall first. She'll kill us if we're late again" Peter said. They all agreed and set off in the direction of their dormitories.

 **Thinking of the best day to upload per week. Also, might upload more than once a week. Please do stick with the story- there's** **a whole lot** **more coming.**

 **Also, I reuploaded the first chapter (Change a bit due to spelling etc)**

 **Thank you :***


	3. Chapter 3

**Hiya! Back for a Third chapter- Hope you all had a great new year and a good start of 2019!**

 **Firstly, want to say thank you to all the reviews that I got for the second chapter.**

 _ **Dodgemaster Shamelessweird xsilvershadesx**_ **for your reviews for the second chapter- they were much apricated and I am thankful for your reviews and staying and seeing where this story goes. I glad you like the chapter and hope you guys enjoy this chapter.**

 _ **xsilvershadesx**_ **of course there will be some Lily parts in a few chapters as she holds quite an important role.**

 _ **Guest**_ **Thank you for your review- of course it didn't sound condescending- I like review like that, It lets me know what I need to improve on.**

 _ **Liz Jean Tonks**_ **Thank you for your review- I glad you have given this story a chance- there will be a lot coming in the next few chapters**

 **Thanks** _ **Jordanstjulian Miraaaaa Liz Jean Tonks Wolfstar lover18 fesihe03**_ **for fav/follows**

 **Also thank you** _ **BlueJay64**_ **for being a beta reader**

 **Again reviews/favs and follows will be much appreciated.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter…. *cries softly***

 **Chapter Three**

 **[Fourth week of September 1971]**

Remus felt sick. Beyond sick. It was his first time changing at Hogwarts, and Remus didn't know how he felt about the situation. He felt more anxious every passing day. So anxious that his friends even noticed. Once they questioned him about it, he simply said that his Mother was unwell and that he had to visit her often. His heart melted when they became so understanding and caring. It was a lot for Remus to take in; he had never had anyone, other than his family, who cared about him. Knowing that they cared made it hurt so much more. Remus was in pain, so much pain, and the physical side if it was just the beginning. He hated lying to his friends, but he couldn't stand the thought of telling them he was a monster. Meanwhile, he could barely think in class, the constant throbbing in his head was making the room spin. Sirius interrupted his thoughts by laughing loudly at a particular joke.

"Ha!" He burst out. "Hey Remus, do you think…" Remus never got to hear what Sirius said next, the rest of his sentence was drowned out by a fresh wave of nausea. It was taking all of Remus' self-control not to run straight to the bathrooms and promptly be sick. But no, he had to keep a straight face around his friends. "Huh?" Remus said half-heartedly. He was exhausted, his mind kept wandering to his soft warm bed in his dormitories.

"Remus?" James waved his hand in front of Remus' face. "What's been up with you lately?" Peter asked, his face creased in a frown. "Are you ok?" Remus could hear the genuine worry in Sirius' voice. Sirius followed Remus' blank gaze over to Amelia McGiddon. "Oh…hmmmm" Sirius seemed to put two and two together, "It's about a giiiirrllll..." Sirius smirked.

Remus realised too late that Sirius thought he liked Amelia McGiddon. "Wait, no!"

He exclaimed. "It's not that"

"Alright, whatever you say..." Sirius said and slapped Remus good-naturedly on his back. The impact of Sirius playful slap was enough to cause Remus' knees to give out. He collapsed, doubling over, his hands clutching his stomach. The stone floor was cold under his knees, and he had to count to ten before it stopped spinning. He looked up to see Sirius looking down at him with a worried expression. "I'm fine, honest!" Remus said breathlessly. "I just didn't sleep much, that's all…" The lie felt thick on his tongue and he knew it wasn't believable. His thoughts were confirmed when James' forehead crinkled, and Sirius grunted an "Uh-huh..." noise sarcastically. Remus scrambled to get his bag, which had spilled when he fell. He hastily tried to cram all the books into his magically enlarged bag, with not much success.

Sirius picked up a rather large arithmancy book wound in black leather. "What's this? We don't learn Arithmancy until third grade! What are you doing with this?" James asked, peering over Sirius' shoulder. "I'm trying to be ahead with my studies, that's all…" Remus said. "Besides, it's rather interesting anyway." As he stuffed that last book into his bag, the seams tore and all of the rest of his books fell out. Remus sighed and went to pick them all up. He was so sick of everything happening so fast. He heard a noise beside him, and turned his head to see Peter gathering as many books as he could carry. James and Sirius joined in after a few seconds. James and Sirius proceeded to frogmarch Remus back to the dormitories, despite Remus protests that he had Herbology. "You've been working too hard" Sirius said gruffly. "You need a break. If you're notgoing to have one, we're going to make you."

"You want to make me have a break?" Remus asked. Wasn't it supposed to be the other way around? In all the muggle movies, it was always the student who got grounded and forced to work, not forced to take a break. "Yes, and we're taking your books with us to herbology, so that you can't work for at least an hour." James said, a slight smile tugging on his lips. Remus was confused, he didn't know what to think. Was it possible that they knew? Why were they acting so…so… kind? It wasn't like he was dying or anything, for all James, Sirius and Peter knew, he just had a cold. Remus stopped thinking, it was giving him a migraine. Now that he was in the dormitories, they felt stuffy and constricting. He decided to take a short walk. Remus knew that because he was skipping class, there was no way that he could simply walk around the castle, so he decided to take a stroll near the dark forest, after all, there couldn't be anything worse than him inside it.

The afternoon air was warm, but not unpleasant. Because he was alone, Remus could walk at his own pace, which was a welcome relief, he had barely kept up with Sirius' long stride that morning. He ambled along the forest border, trying to identify all the plants along the forest's edge. It was like his own little herbology lesson. He sat down on a large rock after a while, trying to catch his breath. It really is nice to be out here, Remus thought, but it didn't stop the nerves he felt because of missing class. He vowed to take more of these walks, but in his free time, of course. Remus was so caught up in thought that he didn't notice the approaching crunching of leaves until something was standing right behind him. Remus froze as something nudged his book bag, which he was still wearing. He turned slowly on the rock, not wanting to alert what was behind him. The creature that stared back was enough scare anyone away. Anyone but Remus. The creature was completely black, and they resembled a horse, but they had bones jutting out at odd angles, and their flesh looked like it had been stretched over their body by someone who hadn't read the user manual. Remus knew, from his extensive studies, that this was a Thestral. It—They, Remus corrected himself.

He couldn't bring himself to call a live animal an it. The creature was quite short for a Thestral, Remus thought. They must be a foal. The baby Thestral must have lost its herd. Throughout all his musings, Remus had one thought trapped firmly in the back of his mind, telling himself firmly not to think about it. The reason he could see Thestrals.

The baby Thestral had resumed nudging his bag now, and Remus suddenly remembered that he had left some bacon from breakfast in there. James had been urging Remus to eat something, so Remus had to pretend to chew, all while stuffing the food into his bag. He hated it, but he guessed that the Thestral would love what he had. See, things do work out, he told himself. He reached into the pocket of the bag, (which he had magically repaired after the incident) and brought out what would have been his breakfast if he had actually eaten it that morning. There were a couple of rashers of bacon, a few slices of toast, and an egg. The Thestral went straight for the bacon. Remus was sitting so close to the Thestral now, he could practically reach out and touch them if he wanted.

Once the creature had finished eating, they wandered away, but not before turning back towards Remus, and in a seemingly friendly gesture, lowered their head in an almost bow. Remus smiled, a little confused. What had just happened? He couldn't even remember why he was so far from the castle, during a class period. I should be in class now, he thought. Everything was going so fast, it was so nice to be out here, away from the bustle and busyness of the castle. The sounds of the forest mingled in his ears and he lay his head down on his arms. He wondered if he was ever going to see the Thestral again. His eyelids felt so heavy, so he closed them for a few minutes. He could feel the warm September sun on his face and he let all his frustration and sadness out in a sigh. The birds chirped as Remus felt his consciousness slip away.

He was on a swaying ship, and the water was spraying onto the deck. He and Sirius were trying to sweep the water off the deck, and it just kept washing back on. James was in the crow's nest up on the mast, an eyeglass pressed on his eye. Severus was there too. He was sitting on the front of the boat, wearing a hula skirt and a coconut bra. Remus would have giggled, but he could feel that it was a very solemn boat ride. Even Peter appeared. He had a tray of strange looking food and wore a chef hat. "It's time" Sirius said. Remus' brow creased. Time for what? He tried to say but no words came out. Then suddenly, James appeared next to them all. He was grinning manically, and Remus felt himself be lifted off the deck an thrown in the water, cries of "monster" ringing in his ears.

Remus awoke to a warm sunshine, which must have been filtering through his dorm window. He groaned. It felt like he hadn't slept at all. He reached for his blanket, which must have fallen off his bed while he was asleep. He groped around, trying to find his pillow as well, his eyes tightly shut against the harsh glare of sunlight. His hand felt something wooden, and he opened his eyes. He was holding a stick. He jerked upright. This wasn't his dorm room! He blinked the sleep from his eyes and looked around. He was in the school courtyard! The air was crisp and cool, and the fountains were flowing. How on earth did I get here? Remus thought, trying hard not to panic. He went through the events of the day, and paused when he got to the part where he fell asleep after seeing the Thestral. He frowned. Something was tugging on the edge of his mind. The swaying, the water…

"Remus!" A voice yelled. It sounded like the one that had called him monster in his dream. Remus groggily turned around to see Sirius, James and Peter looking dishevelled and exhausted in their school robes. Remus noticed that Sirius had dirt streaks in his hair. "What happened?" Sirius asked worriedly.

"We were up all night, looking for you," Peter said. All night? Suddenly a thought struck him. He had been out here, all night. "How are you? The storm… we were all worried." James extended a hand to Remus, and helped him up. Remus attempted to brush off the stray mud. Well, that explains the water in my dream, Remus thought. It still doesn't explain how I got here though…. He tried, again, to piece the events of that day together. He was walking through the forest, sat down on a rock, met a Thestral, then fell asleep. So how did I get here? The memory was beginning to surface, dark scales and the swaying, no, that couldn't have happened…. Could it?

"-Hello?" James broke through Remus' revelation. "Earth to Remus?"

"Oh, sorry… I'm just tired." Remus said half-heartedly.

"Come on, we're going to the hospital wing." Sirius said. Remus didn't have the strength to argue, so he just let them lead him back into the castle. Besides, Madam Pomfry knew about his 'problem'. It seemed like no time had elapsed, and they were at the hospital wing. Madam Pomfry immediately shooed the other boys away, claiming that Remus needed his rest. Remus found himself in a hospital bed before he had time to register what was going on.

Madam Pomfry didn't ask any questions, she knew Remus was tired and most likely coming down with a cold. She insisted Remus stay the night, and when he protested, she simply gave him a sceptical glare that could have frozen a volcano. He resigned himself to his bed, but not before summoning his books from his dorm room, earning him another glare and a lecture about saving his energy. Remus fell asleep within ten minutes of arriving in the hospital wing. His last thought was It was the Thestral…

...

The night before his change he had a nap while Peter, Sirius and James went for dinner. Within ten minutes of his nap he woke, trembling, tormented by the images in his head. He knew the nightmares became worse the closer he was to his change. He was shaking, and his head was spinning. His vision was blurred as he ran to the bathroom vomiting. His legs trembled and his vision swam as he grabbed hold of the basin to steady himself. He found that his legs couldn't hold himanymore, and he slid down the bathroom wall. Remus hugged his knees to his chest and for the first time in what felt lie forever, he allowed himself to cry. He cried for James, Sirius and Peter, who were unknowingly befriending a monster. He cried for his parents who he had burdened so much, too much. He cried for the Thestral, who had been so kind, despite being a mere creature. If only all humans acted like that, Remus thought recalling the children who had ridiculed him in his younger years. He curled up tighter, reminiscing. He was sobbing uncontrollably now, the soft tears turning into gasps and hiccups.

Remus was thankful he was alone, if anyone were to find out how badly he broke down… he didn't thinkn his heart could take any more pain. He placed his head on his knee, tightly shutting his eyes in attempted to stop the tears and quickly counted "1, 2, 3, 5, 7, 11" It was a technique he was taught from his mum. He slowly felt his heart rate slowing down "61, 67, 71". Once Remus hit 101, he felt a lot calmer than had did before. The fog that had been clouding his mind for days was starting to slowly recede. He blinked a few times and leaned on the wall to help himself up. He quickly cleaned up and got fresh clothes before returning to bed. He struggled walking back, but the pain in his body was nothing compared to the fear in his heart.

Once back in bed, he laid down and stared up at the celling. The 'bathroom escapade' had left him wide awake and alert. Images were flashing through his head. He tried to block them out, but to no avail. It was like he was reliving the night he was first bitten again. It was horrible. It wasn't like he asked to be bitten, he wasn't even doing anything wrong: he was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time and it changed everything.

In his dream-like state, he relied every second painstakingly slowly. He had tried, over the years, to forget about the pain, the confusion, the panic, the numbness, the shock. It wasn't something he wanted to remember. Remus also didn't want to remember the person who had bitten him, but yet it remained engraved into his memory, burned into his every thought. It was like he was destined to live his life, carrying around the heavy burden of the pain, loss and guilt. He told his parents that he didn't know the man who had bitten him. He hated lying, but he didn't want them to worry. He knew they would worry if they found out that Remus knew thename behind the face of the one who had bitten him. Besides, what good would it do? The man was not in control of his actions as a werewolf. Remus understood that.

His parents didn't want him to know about the man who had bitten him. Remus had to pretend he had no idea who was behind his transformation. There were times where he did ask about the man, mostly to keep up the charade of ignorance. Remus. When he did ask, his father would become distant and a pained expression would fill every plane of his face. His mum would apologise repeatedly. He must have inherited the 'apology gene' from his mother, he was always apologising one way or another. Remus smiled at the thought of his mum. He missed her dearly, along with his father and younger sister. He knew they lied to him, yet he couldn't help but feel grateful - the amount of times his family had been there for him when he broke down or was really angry… they supported him through the good and bad times. He was really blessed to have them Remus thought with a smile.

His muggle mother took the news of his change very well, especially considering her muggle status. Remus wanted to judge people based on who they were, not their blood status. He was sick and tired of how purebloods thought they were so above muggles and muggle-borns. It was so stupid, he thought. It was all luck; you can't choose where you're born after all. His mother, for example. She had to go through the shock of finding out about a whole wizarding world, and then she had to experience the pain of realising she had a monster for a son. He loved and respected his mother so much, she was so kind and accepting of the world.

She never thought about money, or status. Her world revolved around love. Love for her husband, love for her children, love for the world. Remus wanted so badly to find someone who would love him like his parents loved each other. A special love was all that Remus really wanted, but knew it was an impossible dream - he was a demon after all. That's why his mother's love meant the world to him, it was the only love that he felt he was going to ever receive. He didn't want to mope about that, my mum's love is all I need, he thought, trying to console his dreary mood. Besides, nothing can beat a mother's love…

Remus's thoughts went to his three best friends. He knew he had some love for them - they accepted him-for now… a doubtful voice in his head whispered. Although his friends didn't know everything about him, they made him feel like he was worth something. He knew that half of who he was around them was a lie, but the other half loved that he was able to feel like a normal boy at least once in his life. He wondered what they saw in him. Why they felt he was worth their friendship. Remus shook his head. If they found out, they wouldn't be so friendly… He wished he could say he knew how they would react, but he didn't. He knew that, for now, he didn't want them to know. Maybe when I finish Hogwarts, he thought grinning at the thought his three friends could be his best friends for the next seven years.

 **I hope you do enjoy this chapter- I felt it was needed to see what was going through Remus's head and I hope this chapter did the best to explain that.**

 **Sorry for take a while to upload it but it had to be just right- next chapter will be up shortly.**

 **Thank you for taking your time to read this- do let me know what you thought about it**


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